training there will be much verbiage in this post. in secondary one i tried out for netball and drama and track and i didn't get into netball cause i sucked and i got fourteenth outta fifteenth for the tracktryouts and.. second for drama TROLOL so when the time came for us to choose ccas i put track first and drama second BUT because my results were kind of shitty for track i got into drama anyway and at the time i was all HELL NAWH NIGGAS THE SEDENTARY LIFE IS NOT FOR ME so i got all squirmish and hunted the drama teacher down and told her i was quitting before the first drama session oho and then went to find zhang hao the track teacher and harrassed her till i was sure i was in track then OH HAPPY DAYS during the first few trainings i found out i was a pretty slow fella but tried my best to impress everyone anyway.. the first one and a half years in track were miserable for me because all we ever did was sprinting and oh i how i hated it so i used to cry in the car on the way back home because all sprinting ever did was make me feel like a snail a slow ugly inadequate snail BUT THEN MAJOR LIFE CHANGE HERE when we finally split into long distance and MAOMAOMAN came to coach us in secondary three and his trainings were hell also he made us bring fruits after each training so we could eat them for faster recovery i finally felt like i was going somewhere with my cca and like i was part of something bigger than me and trainings were suffering but we were all suffering together so that made it okay everything was going well in secondary four until a week before cross country when I was cycling on my bike I fell off and had to get stitches done on my knee the scar is still there but its more like an indent now than a badass rip on my skin and I remember crying and walking hopping limping home from the doctor’s cause I couldn’t run and calling danetta on the phone and just whimpering cause I couldn’t say anything and she couldn’t say anything either and when I told maomaoman what had happened and how the doctor said I couldn’t run for the next two weeks if not the wound would scar MAOMAOMAN WAS DISAPPOINT and I felt even more awful. that night I decided I would run everynight anyway before cross and then I realised how fucking good how fucking GREAT it felt to run when a few hours before I felt as though one of the things I held most dear to me was denied.
fastforward two years I cannot help but wonder how different or how much more disciplined I would be as a runner had I gone to rj instead of ac and how i would actually have a girls team there instead of being the only girl at trainings oftentimes. i was hospitalised last year after collapsing during a race and it was the scariest experience ever being delusional and drifting in and out of consciousness and kicking and screaming at my coach and digging my nails into my doddy's arms because i wasn't me then and then i hated my doddy and being rushed into hospital with white lights bright bright white lights and having them cut all my clothes off me and throwing ice onto me and lying there naked on the cold metal crying and crying and not moving because the nurse scolded me everytime i tried to move and hearing my mother's voice on the phone with her crying and having nurses ask for my name and school and age because
they thought i might have suffered brain damage from the high fever upon hearing this then i started crying harder and then they stuck needles in me which was okay but the catheter fucking hurt and it was all very much a nightmare but nice nice people visited me and brought me pineapples and I WAS RELEASED THE NEXT DAY HAHAHA just in time to be home for my birthday for awhile i was really scared of pushing myself during trainings and i became weak mentally and wondered why I was even running without having a solid girls team but then i looked around me and saw people like sean and greg absolutely kill themselves at training and everytime i look at my coach I feel as though I owe so much to him and that he is the nicest coach i could possibly ever have. i like how we pray before our races and how we have mental training and find solidarity in sleeping during mental training and i like how we have ice baths and have to rub each others legs even though i have to rub my own legs. I like that most people in the a div have good music taste and I like bus rides to bedok even though I always sit alone FOREVER ALONE TROLOL and I like hearing lim jiang screaming a song and distracting everyone from doing anything productive and victor screaming at him to STFU and I like arjun’s inspirational pre-race messages and I like how most of the people in ac cross really, really
love running
