Saturday found doddy at I at fort canning park sitting on the grass watching Despicable Me and though my butt ached from sitting for so long it felt strangely comforting laughing and commenting on the people around us and the communal nature of such events and just spending time with my doddy (my mommer says I shouldn't shy away from him no matter how big an asshole I think he is cause he is afterall my doddy and I only have one doddy so I guess this makes him special just like how my nose is special as I only have one) and after we headed to clarke quay for dindin and most everything was closed so we headed to the basement and had pizza at vivo. We were the restaurant's last customers and I have decided I like that feeling of seeing the end of day and people happy to wrap up a day's work and head home.

Also I finished reading a book called Suicide (which everyone should go read cause cause cause it was beautifully written and I think it was the author's own suicide note albeit it being written in the second person narrative about a friend who committed suicide cause a few days after sending the manuscript for Suicide to his editor he committed suicide himself) and here are some chunks of the book that are thought provoking or to my liking.

"Did you know why you wanted to die? If you did, why not write it down? Out of fatigue from living and disdain for leaving traces that would survive you? Or beacuse the reasons that were pushing you to disappear seemed empty? Maybe you wanted to preserve the mystery of your death, thinking that nothing should be explained. Are there good reasons for committing suicide? Those who survived you asked themselves these questions; they will not find answers."

"You directed toward yourself a violence that you did not feel towards others. For them you reserved all your patience and tolerance. You used to tick the wrong boxes on administrative forms to fabricate a new identity for yourself under your own name. Sometimes you would tick "Yes" for "I am on maternity leave," write "3" for "Number of children," and write "Australian" for Nationality". You thought that beautiful music was sad, and that sad architecture was ugly."

"To portray your life in order would be absurd: I remember you at random. My brain resurrects you through stochastic details, like picking marbles out of a bag."

"Only the living seem incoherent. Death closes the series of events that constitutes our lives. So we resign ourselves to finding meaning for them. To refuse them this would amount to accepting that a life, and thus life itself, is absurd. Yours had not yet attained the coherence of things done. Your death gave it this coherence."

"The way in which you quit it rewrote the story of your life in a negative form. Those who knew you reread each of your acts in the light of your last. Henceforth, the shadow of this tall black trees hides the forest that was your life. When you are spoken of, it begins with recounting your death, before going back to explain it. Isn't it peculiar how this final gesture inverts your biography?"

"Your final second changed your life in the eyes of others. You are like the actor who, at the end of the play, with a final word, reveals that he is a different character than the one he appeared to be playing."

"Life is proposed to me
My name is passed on to me
My body is imposed on me"

"Evil surprises me
Forgetting is desirable to me
Laughter saves me"

"Time is lacking for me
Space is enough for me
The void attracts me"

"The air penetrates me
The ground resists me
The underground smothers me"

"The group oppresses me
Solitude holds me
Madness stalks me"

"Happiness precedes me
Sadness follows me
Death awaits me"

"Welcome to Anguish"