I realize whenever I'm feeling this same disconcerting sense of ennui where I would rather do nothing and while the time away than study I keep going back to the photos of my yacht holiday last year because those few days floating in the sea with no discernible island in sight were so.. Blithe. I would be the earliest to get up in the morning and so I would walk to the hull of the boat (like in the first photo) and sit down and do nothing but look at the sun and how it made the sea sparkle and listen to the salt spray crash against the sides of the boat (everything was louder in the still of the morning). And when we went snorkeling all I would do was float on the surface of the water like a giant starfish and see my shadow cast over numerous yellow fishes and some coral wondering how ugly or how funny I looked in my goggles. There was one day we spent a few hours just jumping off the boat, first from the first story then the second story and the few seconds that you are airborne are possibly the most exciting and ephemeral and yet longest moments in the world, and once when I had crashed into the sea I opened my eyes and it wasn't scary at all because the sunlight had filtered a few meters down and everything was illuminated but in a sort of crystalline blue light. Other times we just took the speedboat out and drove around to try and find some islands to explore and I loved it when we rode the speedboat back to the main boat just around sunset and all five of us on the speedboat were quiet, and the islands and the water and everyone looked orange and gold in the glow of the waning sun. And when it was night time we'd grab our favourite snacks and huddle on the sofa and watch numerous episodes of criminal minds before drifting off to sleep, or staying awake long enough to see jiajun fall asleep and being carried away by his doddy to his bedroom while xingying and I just slept on the couch if we were too tired to head back to our room.

And then I wonder if I'd be happy not working so hard to become whatever it is I want to become and running away and living a simple life somewhere preferably by the sea (I am no longer scared of it I think.) Also I unlocked my blog (lawl that didn't last long) because I think some of the people I invited to read it, couldn't without a gmail account. Which makes me think about the email chooi set up for our class twogerooneone@gmail.com hahaha.

Mm I really like the lyrics and vocals of Softer by Jimmy Eat World pity they didn't perform it when they came in April. Which seems like a lifetime ago it really does.