Like not studying. I go to school everyday with a bag full of worksheets I would like to do tutorials I would like to read and memorize and everyday I come back with more than half of that undone but with a happy heart because I've seen my friends and fooled around and at the end of the day when half the school (save for me) gets forty five and forty four points they're all that will remain isn't it? But I do know that this state of anoesis cannot get me far and my unproductivity is sometimes crippling and I feel like tearing myself apart (you have no idea how close to literally doing this I have come) or doing something anything to feel a sense of urgency the need to study and fill up my days with numbers facts figures but the days just flutter by like nondescript pages of an empty notebook. What scares me is that I am fine with that. Or slowly convincing myself that I am anyway.